False Alarm

In elementary school, I had a serious crush on this blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy, Kirk.  We’d hang out on the monkey bars at recess and even sit together at lunch.  He was a dreamboat in my opinion.  Everything a young girl could want… he had the coolest trapper keeper, class clown qualities, and he always won tag.  Checkin’ all the boxes…

Unfortunately, right when I thought Kirk and I were at the hand holding stage of our potential relationship, he started holding hands with someone else.

False Alarm.

I still remember the first let down of seeing all the potential in a new relationship come to a immediate halt.  Years pass and the let downs kept coming.  Some were easier than Kirk to get over and some were truly heart breaking.

But then, I found my happily ever after with AJ.

Oh wait, false alarm.

With each disappointment comes the opportunity to refine that list of non-negotiables.  Now instead of the coolest kid on the playground, I know what kind of man I need and the qualities he has to have to move into relationship territory.  The only problem?  Where the **** is this guy?

I’m certainly in no rush (especially since I have only been single for a year and a half), but now, I am back on that roller coaster of being single.  You find someone attractive, single, religious, driven, funny, outgoing, with his priorities straight (heading in the right direction)!  But then, maybe he stalks your instagram page and questions you about random men, exposing his very deep and unrelenting trust issues.  Or maybe he demands physical acts rather than allowing the relationship to take it’s natural course.  Or maybe you notice his arguing style is manipulative and hurtful.  Or maybe he compares you to an adult film star and requests to see your feet… who knows?!  Straight drop to the bottom!

So here I am, on this ride I can’t quit.  Rolling with the punches as they come at me.

It’s disappointing.  It’s frustrating.  And… it just straight up sucks sometimes.

I am reminded of the plan I had for myself post-divorce.  I’d pull myself out of that dark place of anger, sadness and self-pity, get my finances back on track and find the guy.  THE guy.  The right one.  After all, I am a pretty great catch.  I’m a solid 7.5 on the pretty scale, I have a comfortable career, two great pups, a nice home and great cooking skills (any takers??).  I also continuously put myself out there in the hopes of meeting Mr. Right.

It will happen when you least expect it.

Focus on your career and love will follow.

It gets better and the right one is just around the corner!

Well, sure.  Maybe all of that is true.  And, sure… I actually really enjoy my single life (mostly).  It will be a challenge to give up spoiling myself, because as of right now, all decisions I make are only based on what I want/need/feel.  It’s easy.  It’s fun.  But it is, at times, a little lonely.

That lonely feeling is only enhanced by these false alarms.  These guys that seem like they could be the missing piece to my life… but then… not quite the right fit.

So, I drop to the bottom of the hill and prepare myself for another climb to the top.  Because eventually, it won’t be a false alarm.  Eventually, it will happen.  And until then, I will be taking this ride and sharing some really interesting dating stories at brunch.

 

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