Small Victories

A friend of mine recently shared with me one of his “best days” post divorce.   He said that he found some peace when he realized that his ex-wife could no longer make decisions that impacted him financially.


That was my first “small victory” as well.  I wanted our bank accounts separated immediately.  I didn’t feel that AJ ever took my budget seriously when we were together, why would he honor it now that we were finished?  I consulted my attorney and asked AJ if he was willing to separate the accounts with me.  Luckily for me, AJ didn’t put up much of a fight.

We set up an appointment at the bank on Saturday (Day Six).  On Day Four, I had taken out cash for both of us and froze our debit cards.  I didn’t want either of us doing anything dishonest before we separated our accounts.

Saturday couldn’t come soon enough.

I remember walking out of the bank that Saturday morning with only my name on the account.  I felt like a million bucks!  Like that scene from Rocky when he made it to the top of the stairs.  AJ was reckless with money and I was constantly cleaning up the mess.  I didn’t have to do it anymore… or ever again.  I wasn’t quite in the clear financially, as every bill we had were all in my name only, but my own bank account was a win.

A victory.

My first step towards the new life of “me”.

Each day I tried to find a victory, however small, to celebrate.

Some days, taking out the trash was a victory.  Other days, it would be hanging new artwork in the living room.

I also found a celebration in my cooking.  Seafood was back on the menu and I cooked a ton of it right after we called it quits.  Salmon, scallops, mussels and clams… oh yes.

One night shortly after AJ moved out, I invited over one of my girlfriends, who has a ton of power tools, and we hung several pieces of decor and a few kitchen shelves that I had asked AJ to hang for months… THAT was a big victory.  Music, wine and power tools… great therapy.

I learned that I am self-sufficient.   It’s not that I ever felt like I couldn’t do [insert task here], but I had someone else for six years who could help me get things done.  50/50.  Now, I had to absorb the other half.  For some reason, that scared me.  What if I couldn’t?

What if I never remember trash day?  What if the garbage disposal breaks?  What if my hair builds up in the shower drain?

Is that Fear talking?

Guess what?  I can do it all on my own and I do.  I do my own yard work.  I paint my own walls.  If something is broken, I fix it myself.   I make my own money and I choose how I spend it.

You are self-sufficient.  That is one amazing victory.

I am learning that help with the “other half” of life isn’t a necessity, it’s a bonus.  After several years of a team effort, it’s hard to realize/remember that.

Victories, my friends.  Find them… even the smallest ones.

2 thoughts on “Small Victories

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