Ahh, a new year is quickly approaching. I like to think of it as a fresh start, with new goals, renewed focus, a time to set intentions, and rid yourself of the clouds of the year past.
2018 was a year of so much good, but continued hurtles none the less. It feels amazing to be nearing the end.
It feels final.
My writing has slowed down and most days I don’t even think of the marriage I mourned. It’s not top of mind, it’s hardly even something I think about ever. Some days it feels like it never even happened.
It’s feels as though 2018 is the year I shed AJ.
I feel so happy, I feel lucky, and I feel hopeful.
Hopeful for a year filled with positivity.
Hopeful for a year not overshadowed by the word divorce, the fear of the unknown, or the insecurities I developed during a manipulative marriage.
And instead, 2019 will be filled with love for my friends, family and myself, and strength and resilience in the face of the unknown. I can say with confidence that I have shed my insecurities, celebrated my strengths, and worked toward improving myself for me. At this point, the worst time in my life has produced the most amazing benefits, and I feel #blessed.
In the past year and few months, I’ve shared how I have felt through this journey at each and every turn. My journey back to me. Through the worst and darkest lows and the highest highs, you all have been able to read my truth and encourage me or relate to what I’ve said.
While my journey may never be completely over, I do feel like I no longer have big obstacles to work through and as I mentioned in my very first post, I’ve never wanted “it gets better” (even though it certainly does!) to be my message. I’ve just wanted to be a friend in my, and perhaps your, time of need.
So my words remain here to help you realize you are not alone in one of the loneliest times we can experience.
I hope and pray that you feel empowered to make your own choices and stand by them. I trust you will learn to love yourself and find everything you need is within you, not in someone else. I want you to feel that divorce is not the end of something, but the beginning of a new story and one you have the ability and authority to control. Celebrate life, even in the midst of our suffering.
Take this new year and truly make it yours!
I know I will be.
Thank you all for helping me find myself again…